No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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