I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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