this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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