do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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