Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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