This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
