My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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