She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Michael Bay diarrhea
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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