I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
