I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
