I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize