I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
