I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
