big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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