He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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