I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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