evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
