Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just had sex bonerless
if i died would you start the facebook group?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
