So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
