It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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