I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
