Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
