he was CRYING into my vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize