Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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