Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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