I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
