you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
