i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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