Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
