I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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