hell yes lets make some ravioli
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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