True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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