the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
