and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
