you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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