I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
