When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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