now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
