awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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