She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
