I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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