Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
