I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
