I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
