Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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