Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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