when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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