It was confusing and full of hummus
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
