I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
