Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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