I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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