He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
