is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
