So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
