After last night, I could never be a politician.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
