i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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