Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize