You smell like stripper and shame
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
