you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
