You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
