I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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