I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
