Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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