id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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