Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
