My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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