two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
