We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
