So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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