Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
