He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
