I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
