I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
