Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
