Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
