Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
