I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
