erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
