A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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