i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
