bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
