You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize