Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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