the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
